Students Occupy Back Stairwell

DEAL, NJ -- In conjunction with multiple worldwide "Occupy" events - most notably Occupy Wall Street - students have begun the occupation of the back Stairwell. Myriads of Hillelians flood the cramped space between classes, briskly moving up and down. The corridor remains occupied for the few minutes, after which the students return to class.

"We're just trying to get to class" said one of the occupants of the phenomenon. "We have no political motives. We're not united. I don't even know half of the people in the school."

To top it off, in the mornings, the Stairwell is clogged with Freshmen trying to get their Free Bagels on the Fourth Floor. "This is bizarre!" said a teacher, "I've never had to deal with it!"

Among the protesters was Antonio Ades. "My name Antonio," he said, "I need to get to class or I'll be late!" This comment only complements the general sense of disunity among the protest as a whole. While the task of the Occupancy has not been discovered, it is generally recognized as a problem.

The Ovadia Administration could not agree more. A spokesperson said that they "are working on a solution to the problem, but first need to find a source," however they deny that its "just people trying to get to class. They could avoid the problem and take the front stairwell."

It is still unclear as to why the Back Stairwell fills with students between classes. An unrelated statistic shows that Freshmen and Sophomores always go in the opposite direction of Juniors and Seniors. President Ovadia has declined to comment on this.