Student Council To Vote On Abolishing Fast

DEAL, NJ -- Purim is fast in its approach, being just a week in coming, Its the holiday of costumes, of celebration, and of candy. People dress up like their favorite characters to hear the Megillah reading, and eat delicious food. But that's only after the proceeding fast day, Taanit Esther.

"We all get ready for yet another fast," commented President Harary, "and we stop eating. And then we realize, like, why are we here?" PresiVadia is one of the proponents of the so-called "Achashverosh Amendment," which seeks to legally and halakhically uproot the Fast of Esther. It will give each student the halakhic means to get out of fasting, an downgrade it's status from being a Hillel National Holiday.

"What's the point of this anyway?," commented StuCo member Isaac Sasson, "Nobody knows why we fast today. And who wants to be hungry right before the feast and Mishloach Manot? Its like, the shortest fast anyway. Our celebration of Purim outweighs the sadness of whatever this day is, anyway, probably." Isaac Sasson is a member of the popular group Y13 Boys Quartet, which publicly favors the Achashverosh Amendment on the grounds of being Hungry.

"This is mahmaahsh unacceptable," stated Edward Benjamin, "its completely against the ways of the holy TorReh, and we have no HalachChik means to uproot the T'aa'a'ahNeeht." Mr. Benjamin, also on Student Council, is leading the opposition movement against Mr. Harary's amendment. "This is a hChuu'utzpahHh and a big cHillooolh HashShehmm." Benjamin's campaign is tainted by the fact that he was, still is, and will continue to be, wrong.

A popular Purim activity

Mr. Benjamin has collected support from the Robbonim of Hillel, as well as the new science teacher, who was reportedly "just looking for the bathroom." However, his numbers fall short of his goal. The President's plan, however, is more popular among the student body. "We're in Deal," Ovadia noted on cancelling the fast, what do you expect?"

The members of the Oval Locker will be hosting a rally for the Amendment on Monday. Y13BQ Manager Jesse Rothstein confirms that the band will be hosting a benefit concert at the event and selling signed copies of their album Hungry?. "The boys are nothing short of excited to support such a noble cause," he said at a press conference. Keynote Speakers are to include President Harary and Lee Matalon of Substantial Force Productions, followed by a show from the world famous hypnotist Burnout Bill.

Vice President Benjamin will be hosting his event at the same time, located at Maor Yeshiva High School on Park Avenue. The entertainment will include a Genius playlist of Shwekey, Shlock Rock and Matisyahu. Keynote addresses will be given by VP Benjamin, former president Joey Bouganim, and retired astronaut Neil Armstrong. The address will be followed by a heartwarming shiur from the Bible Codes Guy.

"We're seeking to use a condition, or Tnai, to stop the fast" commented Rabbi Dr. Nathan Betesh, the halakhic authority for the Ovadia Administration. "If the amendment passes, Taanit Esther will be as worthless Valentine's Day. The only difference is that here, Hillelians will stop celebrating." The amendment will be up for referendum on Friday during lunch.