Hillel Update strives to provide a witty, satirical view of current events at Hillel Yeshiva HS. VeNomar Amen.


Monday, January 30, 2012

Officials: Winter Vacation Not Actually Scheduled

ARUBA -- Students are sluggishly returning to their classes with pens in hand and kippahs on head. "Back to old grind," in the famous words of R' Pinchos Dovid "Patrick" Starberger. The desks fill up, with stories of Diving, Surfing and Volleyball. Hillelians buckle down for the second half of the year. The problem is, winter break didn't actually happen. 

Officially called Mid-Winter Recess, the break traditionally runs from midterms through the end of January. This year, however, it was moved a month later to February. 'The idea was to accommodate the new students" said Isaac Gartenberg, representing the PTA. "Many of the new students," he continued, "come from an elementary school which has its break in mid-February." Many students have young siblings still in that school, so the PTA voted to move Hillel's break so that the new students can go away together with their families.

"It was a really clutch move" said PTA president David Kassin. The changes were announced on Orientation night. An anonymous representative from the Ovadia Administration commented, "we even sent out a text the night before, but nobody reads those." 

The day after the Math midterm, the school was empty. Students, faculty, and even administration were busy enjoying themselves in faraway places. One AP Chemistry teacher reportedly showed up every day, waiting "for the doors to unlock." The accidental vacation created a commotion on the attendance charts.

The accident was based partly on a calender misprint, according to PTA CFO Eric Vaknin. The calendar -- actually a photocopy of the 2004 calender -- has winter break lasting from the 19th to the 29th. "The calender constantly has errors. Its no excuse for missing even a day of school" said Vaknin. "You can't rely on the Hillel Calender. It has Shabbat on Tuesday."

It is rumored that the PTA had 2 field trips and a surprise carnival planned during the missed week. But the largest problem is with the teachers, who are guaranteed a February break in their 2011-12 contracts. Student, however, find no problem with the free vacation, calling the error "big dahak."

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