HBB Financial Plans Leaves Breakfast In Ruins

DEAL, NJ -- As students fill their backpacks for the first day back after Pessah, little do they know they will not receive breakfast the next day. Bagels -- normally a staple of the Hillel Diet -- will not be available on the Monday after break. This is due to some new financial planning at the Hot Bagel Bakery.

The Update sat down with HBB manager Steve Ronaldson to discuss the issue. "For years, the Bakery only opened one night a year -- the night after Passover" said Ronaldson. "They clean us out. We're usually completely sold out within 20 minutes. The line stretches back 50 feet through the door." One HYHS graduate comments, "total scene. Its majnoon."

The Egg ET bagel. An HBB original creation, this best seller is popular with Hillel Students.

Its well known that the Bakery opens at 4AM to produce the bagels. Why, we asked, will there be a shortage? "The answer," continued Ronaldson, "goes to our friend Keynes." John Maynard Keynes was the father of Keynesian Economics. One of his major ideas was that of Deficit Spending, the spending of money a government doesn't have. This creates a national debt, but also stimulates the economy. "We're following the same idea. We're selling the bagels we don't have."

Mr. Ronaldson, along with his neighbors Mr. Adler, and Mr. Atillio worked together all Passover to build a time machine. This amazing device allowed the three to travel forward in time, take all of following week's bagels, and have them back to the store in time for Pessah Havdalah (many customers were camped out since Minhah).

"In order to handle this 'Bagel Debt' we will be unable to provide any bagels for the next week" said HBB Marketing director Jonathan Heft. "Its not that we can't make them. Its that anything we make gets sent back in time.