Happy Birthday To President Ovadia Harary

DEAL, NJ -- April Fools, the day of pranks. Hillel has seen many pranks, from the well planned (water gun raid -- May 2011) to the unintentional (peeing in a locker -- December 2009). One of the completely serious, non joking, unprankly events of the day, is the birthday of Ovadia Harary, Hillel's Student President. The Update had a "Roast Ovadia" planned, but the administration said they'd "absolutely not lend [us] the auditorium on a Sunday." Instead, we'll simply be posting what everyone was supposed to say.

The following are truthful statements from students, current and former.

Lee Matalon (11th): "Ovadia. I've sat next to him for a few years now in Navi. Yeah, he was actually born on April 1st. Like a prank, it was hilarious. Unlike a prank, it was poorly planned. Ovadia didn't really do much as president. But thats pretty good, seeing as the year before, we didn't even have a president. And, like our friends at the Box say, he's not completely worthless. Thats a lie. He is."


Isaac Sasson (12th): "Dear Ovadia, you are the best to-ac I know. At the moment, you plan on going to Georgia for college. Who knows whats going on in that big head of yours? (laughs.) But I'm sure you'll end up somewhere great and have much authority over others. Lebanon is to being proud."


Leo Hanono (11th): "Who?"


Anonymous Science Teacher (9th): "OVADIA'S 18 NOW. HE'S AN ADULT. HE SHOULD BE A MODEL OF BEHAVIOR FOR THE STUDENT BODY AND THE CLASS. HE olWEEZ DOES THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT EVERY DAY I HAVE TOAL!!!"

Marc Nardea (MU): "Ovadia? Oh, you mean that guy who, for some reason, participates in all of Saka Charles' football tournaments and stands in the endzone, wide open, with nobody around him, but never gets a ball thrown his way? I don't really know much about his presidency, but if I had to bash Ovadia, I'd say that he laughs like a duck. (Cut to clips of Ovadia Laughing)."


David Abraham (12th): "He's got a heart as big as his head. His soothing Lebanese makes us all want to return to the middle east. He had less power than Joey Bouganim; he couldn't even get the bathroom doors unlocked. But still, better than last year's president -- what was his name?" 


At this point, Ricky Tawil would burst in and whisper in my ear that we don't have enough funding to air the show. I'd yell cut, pocket the tape, and the roast would never be seen again.