Hillel Senior Captured by Hamas, Rescued

GAZA STRIP, P.A. -- Hillel 12th Graders were preparing to go on their Senior Trip to the Holy Land. But instead of visiting Hershey Park, they ended up going to Israel. This 8-Day journey was the culmination of their high school experience. Israel, being a perpetual war zone, was guaranteed safe for tourists. This guarantee, however, did not hold.

On their first day, the seniors went for lunch at the food court at the Gaza Strip Mall. Students rushed for the McDonalds, which had no visible certification, but the sign was in Hebrew. (Saka Charles was asked what certification it has, and he replied "OK!"). Just as the third round of fries were ordered, the sirens went off. People rushed left and right to get to bomb shelters. No bombs actually hit, but student Al "Rrral" Sultan was lost in the commotion.

IDF Sergeant Leo Hanono, who was not actually on the trip, immediately concluded that he was taken by Hamas. President Ovadia S. Harary was contacted immediately, but, was unavailable to act. When asked about his middle initial, he said it stood for "essss." Edward Benjamin, StuCo VP, was summoned to settle the  issue.

"We don't know wherrrAl is, but we'll find him." noted Benjamin. Meanwhile, a keen-eyed student spotted a minivan speeding away from the site. This minivan led Hillel Authorities right to the beis medrish of the Chief Reebay of Israel. The students, only having learned NETA, were unable to communicate with him in Hebrew. The Rabbi -- a native of Hong Kong -- was able to speak with Hillelian Jacob Cohen. The clues he gave led the Hillel boys to the next step in their search for Al, the Kotel HaMa'arabi.

Also known as the Wailing Wall, the Kotel HaMa'arabi is the holiest site in all of Judaism. The boys stopped for a quick prayer, led by former Hillelian Ari Abrams. Since his move to Israel, Abrams became a notable Sephardic Cantor, overshadowing a very upset Mr. Charles. While crying in the corner, Saka noticed a very distinct trail of Tahine. Following this trail brought a group of Jewish boys close to their homeland -- Uncle Jacks Good2Go on Route 35.

Uncle Jack (who's actually named Roberto, and has no family) took one look at the Tahine and was able to identify its origin. After tasting it, he blurt out an address: 73 Rechov Mahmoudi, Khan Younnis, 'Aza, Yisrael. After a brief search on Google Maps Beta, a boarded up warehouse was located as the source of the Tahine. The Hillel Boys were off again.

Having arrived at 73 Mahmoudi Street, the boys devised a plan. Alpha Team readied themselves at the front, and Gold team hit the back. Nathan Betesh reportedly said "Gold Team rules!" In an instant, all 10 students were inside. Found were 4 mid-twenties Israeli Arabs. After wrestling them down to the ground (nobody had guns), they were questioned.

"It turns out," commented President Ovadia, "that Hamas was not responsible." The fiasco was due to a typo on the accident report. "In reality, the real culprit was not Hamas, but secret organization called Hummous. Dedicated to making "the best darned chickpea dip in the East," Hummous sent its members for lunch, who accidentally pulled the fire alarm at the food court.

"But where's Al?" one may ask. Funny story actually. It turns out he was actually holding the camera the whole time. Ha ha, good one Al!