Schoolwide Halakha Is Tested

DEAL, NJ -- Students from around the globe bugged out en masse early this morning as they fumbled through pages of notes in the hallways. Every student had the same four packets and was preparing for the Schoolwide Halakha Exam. Administered once a trimester, every Hillelian must get passing grades on this test or risk imprisonment in the Book Room.

The test follows a consistent format from year to year. All multiple choice, the exam is to be completed on a scantron sheet. There are additionally a few mandatory questions on every exam. Each year, students are tested in depth on the subject of Hatzalah's number. In order to pass, each student must successfully unscramble the phrase "APPYH CHANUKKAH." Finally, every student must know when the Jews received the Greeks as a prize.

This student probably failed.

"It was an easy test" said Y10 student Aaron Bailey. Y10 students receive a modified version of the test with 15 questions and 20 skips. They are allowed to use notes, textbooks and calculators. Additionally, Y10 students can write notecards and keep them in special playbooks. They are expected to know the Beracha on Grilled Cheese.

The College Board recently announced that Rutgers will soon be accepting Schoolwide Halakha tests in lieu of SATs or ACTs. The move is aimed at getting more Hillel students to attend. Brookdale currently accepts Vocab Quizzes.

"The letter options were A A B C. I don't know how I finished" said tech blogger Jason Gindi, 11th grade. "But I know one thing: the Jews did in fact win the Greeks on the 25th." Jason Gindi is known locally for being thrown out twice in one Halakha period. "It was definitely the hardest guessing game I've ever played." Mr. Will could not be reached for a comment.

StuCo President Leon Ebani recently spoke at a Judaic Studies Rally about his 'Dual Incentive' program. "Students who take a schoolwide [halakha test] will be eligible to play in the Dodgeball Tournament for only $15." His program hopes to encourage students to study for halakha AND play dodgeball. On the topic, senior Morris A. Cohen was quoted as saying, "dark green."