Does YOUR Teacher Care About You?

DEAL, NJ -- Hillel Yeshiva saw a glorious triumph of democracy today. No, it was not the impeachment of President Harary (who's current legal status is "worthless" according to the Cafe Box transitional government), but something nearly as good. For the first time in Hillel history, students filled out formal evaluations of their teachers.

Evaluations covered multiple aspects (Knows course material, Wants us to learn, etc) and each topic was rated from "Strongly Disagree" to "Strongly Agree." (There was also a box for "I don't know" but nobody actually checked that off). Each teacher received a separate evaluation sheet per student. The evaluations remain anonymous.

A Hillel Student casting her vote for the first time.

"I don't think evaluations are gonna be taken seriously," commented student Al Sultan, "but it felt nice to write about how I really felt. I think this is a good thing. I'm not really sure, I didn't really know what was going on." Sultan was later spotted writing on his pants.

As for students, the evaluations are not likely to make any significant change other than that of opinion. Being a simple survey there will be no immediate aftereffect of giving a teacher poor -- or even outstanding -- ratings. rrrAl Sultan did not have any follow up comments, as Update reporters found him asleep.

As for Hillel Teachers, the evaluation results will be posted on Engrade within the week. 

Officials: Winter Vacation Not Actually Scheduled

ARUBA -- Students are sluggishly returning to their classes with pens in hand and kippahs on head. "Back to old grind," in the famous words of R' Pinchos Dovid "Patrick" Starberger. The desks fill up, with stories of Diving, Surfing and Volleyball. Hillelians buckle down for the second half of the year. The problem is, winter break didn't actually happen. 

Officially called Mid-Winter Recess, the break traditionally runs from midterms through the end of January. This year, however, it was moved a month later to February. 'The idea was to accommodate the new students" said Isaac Gartenberg, representing the PTA. "Many of the new students," he continued, "come from an elementary school which has its break in mid-February." Many students have young siblings still in that school, so the PTA voted to move Hillel's break so that the new students can go away together with their families.

"It was a really clutch move" said PTA president David Kassin. The changes were announced on Orientation night. An anonymous representative from the Ovadia Administration commented, "we even sent out a text the night before, but nobody reads those." 

The day after the Math midterm, the school was empty. Students, faculty, and even administration were busy enjoying themselves in faraway places. One AP Chemistry teacher reportedly showed up every day, waiting "for the doors to unlock." The accidental vacation created a commotion on the attendance charts.

The accident was based partly on a calender misprint, according to PTA CFO Eric Vaknin. The calendar -- actually a photocopy of the 2004 calender -- has winter break lasting from the 19th to the 29th. "The calender constantly has errors. Its no excuse for missing even a day of school" said Vaknin. "You can't rely on the Hillel Calender. It has Shabbat on Tuesday."

It is rumored that the PTA had 2 field trips and a surprise carnival planned during the missed week. But the largest problem is with the teachers, who are guaranteed a February break in their 2011-12 contracts. Student, however, find no problem with the free vacation, calling the error "big dahak."

One Small Step For a Man

The Hillel Update has made 2 great forays into the world of technology. The first of which was the introduction of a new logo. The concept came from Leon Ebani.

The second is the release of a Mobile WebApp. While it is not yet available on the iTunes App Store or Android Market, it can be used via HillelUpdate.mobapp.at

iOS users can save the webapp to their homescreen and use it like a regular app. The webapp provides access to all articles with pictures. Users can also scan the QR Barcode below:

Third Floor Flooded, Swim Team Established

DEAL, NJ -- A chain of events recently unfolded, involving teachers, students and a whole lot of water. After second period, a copious amounts of water were found to be gushing from the Boys' Bathroom on the third floor. The source of the water was later determined to be an overflowing toilet.

Assessment & Damage Control began immediately. Teachers used their bodies to define safety boundaries around the Flash Flood zones, while a brave teacher trekked inside to determine the source. It was found to be the backmost toilet. The stream creeped into a science classroom before it was cleaned up. The flow of water -- from the front of the school to the back -- interestingly revealed that the foundation of the entire building is on a slight angle.

The school's response? Utilizing the new 3rd Floor Swimming Pool for Phys Ed., and establishing a Swim Team. The team's captain and coach Nathan Ades is enthusiastic about the team he is training, called the Hillel Rivulets, or in Hebrew, הפלגים הילל.

Rivulet [riv-YOO-let] (n): A small river or stream. [Heb: פלג PE-leg]

The Hillel Rivulets will be having their first Swim Meet with the Maayanot Rapids, which is actually their Basketball team. The meet will be located at Hillel, on the third floor. Hillel's spectator is expected to sit in the Psychology Office.

"I'm so excited to be on our first swim team!" said Rivulets star Mitchell Parker, who can't actually swim, "But I'm disappointed that we're not competing with Flatbush." Flatbush was not eligible for the league as it's pool is not big enough. Maor, who will be using the Deal Womens' Mikveh, will be competing.

And Hillel's new pool is growing into a business venture for other students. Jesse Rothstein and Isaac Sasson have launched Sasstein Kayak, which rents the pool from the school in exchange for 10% of profits being wired to the Box. Sasstein Kayak would be required provide for a potential rowing team as well. President Ovadia Harary is "very excited" that Hillel life is finally including Boats.

"I'm just happy that Hillel is finally recognizing such an important sport" said Rivulets swimmer Leo Hanono, who rates Swimming only second to Driving.