Students Miss Seminar

PISCATAWAY, NJ -- Today was the much anticipated annual Hillel Seminar in the Piscataway Holiday Inn. For some reason, nobody showed up. The HYHS office blames the PTA Calendar for not having it listed. The PTA blames the office for not making flyers. The office said in a statement, "the copier was broken." The Seminar was fully planned from early August by the Student Council.

"This was THE year to come" said VP Ricky "Ricky-Ricky" Tawil. "We had great events and speakers planned, and nobody signed up. It was going to be the best Seminar ever. And its ruined. We had sick advisers this year: Raymond Chalme, David Winitsky, Al Sultan, Saka, Elvis, Batman -- you name it -- they were all there."

"We finally got a Midrash without Christmas decor" said Treasurer Jack "Ellen DeGeneres" Alboucai, the official Seminar Hazzan, "It was Halloween stuff. But still, that's not a religious holiday day, so we lucked out." They didn't even have a minyan anyway, "we had to convert some Chinese guests from the 5th floor." Jacob Cohen was not present, although three of his uncles were.

"The speakers were top notch this year, commented President Leon "Theres My President!" Ebani. "Gilad Shalit was set to speak on his way back from Magen David before going to Israel." Mr. Shalit showed up, but left early when nobody was there. "Do you know what kind of strings we had to pull to get him? It would have been impossible if we didn't have connections" said Ebani, speaking of David "Derb" Cohen, the captain of the Israel trip and a family friend of the Shalits.

"Comedy was great this year" said Secretary Lee "Lrr You Can't Behave In A Lab" Matalon, "we had three hours of skits, songs, dances and videos. And that's not the half of if. We brought in Joel "Jeff" Chasnoff to do one of his routine. And of course, we had the world famous hypnotist Burnout Bill. He even brought his special touching hand!"

"The music was great too" said StuCo Advisor Gail "Unpaid" Mizrahi, reading a teleprompter, "we had a killer lineup. Rabbi Glicksman, Train, One Direction, Y13BQ, Chip Skylark, the Maccabeats, fun., Coldplay, Saka Charles, Lil Wayne, the Arcade Fire, Matisyahu, the Rolling Stones, Kasabian, Queen, Nicki Minaj, DJ Lrr, Avicii, Usher, Spinal Tap, and the Artist Formerly Known As Devorah Wittels. Bamboozle was jealous."

The Student Council was baffled as to why everyone would miss such a good SemiNar. Even the students of Leadership Seminar were absent, causing critics to ask, "where are my leaders?" Analysts commented that "most Hillelians were busy with other things. The SAT is on Sunday. Some kids have sports games. And then there's always Lost Season 3."

Hey guys. Just realized I never uploaded the "Rebuilding Rabbi" video from last year's SemiNar. Here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbLUSsZeZeQ