Ashkenaz Midrash Window Missing, Racism Outbreak

DEAL, NJ -- One of the door windows of the Ashkenaz Midrash has recently popped out. While the congregants within have no problem, those outside have more light to shed on the subject.

"This is an outrage!" commented Morris, a Syrian student. "We pass by for Kohanim and we hear them praying in some weirdo alienese yiddish!"

The sounds of the Ashkenaz prayer has seeped out of the room and through the halls. "We can hear the davening and gefiltefishing... it's gazzed" commended another Syrian student, also named Morris. No comments have been made on the fact that the majority of Ashkenazic services is actually silent, whereas the rest is sped through by the Chazan.

"Not only is their prayer disturbing, but they keep singing their annoying tunes" commented a student only identified as Sackuh.

An Ashkenaz congregant wonders "Why do the Sfardies have to be all racist?" -- to which a Syrian student named Morris replied "What's wrong with the SAH-FAH-RAH-DEEM?"

"This is the second window related crime that the A-Mid has committed" an SY student named David tells the  Update. "First they husho 4 of the shevatim windows, and now this?" The Update sent an investigative reporter on the scene to scope out the situation.

"What I've found," commented Detective Morris, "is a distinct lack of Talitot in the Ashkie-Midrash. The room itself is below zero. The J-Dubs are just cold. Perhaps the Ovadia Administration should send them a shipment of TaleSnuggies."

Others, such as Mordechai Luther Kingowitz, Jr, are approaching the situation differently. "I have a dream that one day, my children and their children can pray together, in the Midrash of freedom." Kingowitz, founder of the Kugel Rights Movement, is a strong supporter of having one universal Girsah, text. He is also a strong opponent of segregation. "Why can't Dave and Dovid get along?"

On one occasion, bystanders threw what appeared to be Meat-Torpedoes at Kingowitz. "Perhaps if the students had actually gone on SemiNar," noted Kingowitz, "they'd have learned a thing or two about Ahdoot."