Aristotle Killed In Falling Accident

DEAL, NJ -- During today's lesson, the teacher of AP English Language and Composition planned to show a documentary to his class. Much time was wasted due to technical difficulties. In order to solve the problem, the entire lesson was moved to a different classroom.

In the midst of the commotion, the Aristotle Statuette was knocked over and destroyed -- the second time in 2 years. He suffered major fractures to the body shortly after recovering from a broken nose.

Aristotle, who's birth name was Ari-Shlomo Puglisowitz, was actually an Ashkenaz Jew. The student responsible for the damage declined to comment.

Aristotle's chavruta (study partner), Kalva-Homer Eisenpug, was devastated. "Sing in me, Muse," spoke Homer of his lost companion, "and through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending."

From Left: Kalva-Homer Eisenpug and Ari-Shlomo Puglisowitz Z"L

"Ibe" commented Ssssolomonsultan, an AP English student.

Aristotle practiced his Judaism in private, and kept it separate from his Secular teachings. However, he always publicly wore a blue yarmulke -- a gift from longtime friend and Panthers player Joe Epstein.

The Arayat for Ari-Shlomo Puglisowitz Z"L -- shortened as "ARIZAL" will replace Jazz Club during Wednesday Meeting Period.

This article is dedicated Lailoy Nishmos Ari-Shlomo Puglisowitz.