He has a second floor office. He is rumored to have founded Engrade. He prays with the Juniors and Seniors. But in reality, we have no idea who he is. Until now.
Now that SemiNar has concluded, and the students have bonded with their Rabbanim/morot, they have discovered a few interesting tid-bits of information about them. For this reporter, it was the man that you love to hate. The man who has over a million sweaters. And the man who loves Torah almost as much as he loves giving you lunch detentions for talking.
After a full weekend of bonding with him, and observing his actions outside of a school setting, I have collected a bunch of data. Seeing him cameo in some of the SemiNar films has also allowed for data to be collected. And it has finally, after all these years, been uncovered what exactly he enjoys doing.
The data has been arranged in the form of a list, because well, let's face it, you wouldn't be able to understand it through any other medium.
The list is as follows:
- Tormenting children by giving them lunch detention.
- Proving Hashem wrong.
- Giving impossible Computer Science homework assignments.
- Fly-fishing.
- Buying sweaters.
- Gardening
- Learning Torah.
- Giving Ya'akov Shwecky singing lessons.
- Being elusive when you need to talk to him about something important.
- Calculating Ona'ah.
- Playing with his children and toy giraffes.
- Singing songs off key.
What we can learn from this list, is that this man is no ordinary human. He engages in way too many activities, and some of them are too contradictory to even understand why he enjoys partaking in both of them. He's a complicated man. Maybe Asher Marks knows why, he spends more time with him than anybody else in Hillel.
Follow Jesse Rothstein on twitter: @jessr94
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