Political Differences Cause Failed Senior Pranks

DEAL, NJ -- This week saw the execution of not one, but TWO Hillel Senior pranks. Both were major failures. President Harary is, in both cases, blamed for not diverting enough funding to each prank. Interior officials attribute the lack of funding to "a 50/50 political split" in the House of Rabbisentitives. The House of Rabbisentitives is Hillel's student-run congress, which votes on all taxes and pranks.

"We had funding for a great prank" said speaker of the House for the Ovadia Administration, "but the congress couldn't agree. It was an even split between both parties." The two parties, the conservative Rabbipublicans and the liberal Democrabbis, hotly debated the prank for weeks before a settlement was reached.

The Rabbipublicans wanted a traditional prank. Their plan proposed wiring up noisemaking devices to the loudspeaker, and flooding the school with sirens at a specific time. "We needed money to hire technicians to hack the loudspeaker. It's a classic prank, and always a winner," said Rabbipublican majority leader Nathan Betesh.

The Democrabbis wanted a departure from the traditional. They proposed the "Art Heist Plan." "We want to steal every piece of artwork -- every poster in the school -- and make a giant papier-mâché tower on the roof. We needed supplies." said Deomcrabbi leader Jared Gopin. "Ovadia refused to give us full funding, and we needed to buy a lot of glue."


A solution was eventually reached: PresiVadia would divide the funding equally in half, and allow both groups to initiate their plans.

Betesh continued, "so we scaled down he prank a bit. Instead of rigging the clocks to the loudspeaker, we just put them in every classroom. It didn't work very well, because the Administration found out. Besides, even when the clocks went off, half of the classes didn't know it was a prank, and the other half didn't care." Rumor has it that many of the alarm clocks were donated by the Charles family.

Gopin said in a statement, "we also had to scale our prank down. We didn't have enough money to steal all the art, so we decided to steal the plaque from the Art History class instead. We had it for about 20 minutes, and a squirrel ran off with it. We were going to return it." The Democrabbinic Party has taken fire for stealing and losing the plaque. "It not our fault."

Rumor has it that the Freshmen tried to start a "freshman prank" by stealing their bagels for a week. "But we shouldn't worry about it" said Ovadia, "nobody else really eats Cinnamon Raisin."