YMD Seminar: Freshmen To Go Pantless

PISCATAWAY, NJ -- With YMD SemiNar around the corner, Hillelians all over the globe are psyched for the annual big shabbaton of the spring. Reports say that Jeff Epstein, Morris Hanono, Yvette Halawani and others have been working round the clock to deliver "a kick-abboh weekend." The event will be held at the Radisson in Piscataway NJ, the Official Home of Asher Marks. The event was originally planned for the Ramada, but Hillel is officially banned after David Abraham's lawsuit a few years back.

"Its like a second Hillel SemiNar. Kinda like Spring SemiNar, if you will," said junior Joe Epstein, "and I will". YMD SemiNar is known for being a weekend of fun, singing and ruckussing. YMD SemiNar is known for getting 5 more people than last year's SBH SemiNar. YMD SemiNar is known for its inspirational speakers, divre torah (what?) and themes. But most importantly, YMD SemiNar is known for giving everybody an awesome pair of sweatpants at the end.

"But this year," said a YMD coordinator, "we're making YMD Sweatpants mandatory dress code for everybody."

YMD's policy dictates that the sweatpants cannot be given out until Sunday morning. "To evade the obvious issue," said the coordinator, "we are permitting students to wear sweatpants from past SemiNars." All attendees will be required to wear sweatpants from last year's YMD SemiNar. "On Sunday, they will have the option of switching to our new sweatpants, or keeping on their old ones."

Senior Jared "Tzvi" Gopin points out a major flaw: "what about the freshmen, who don't have old sweatpants?" YMD replied, with the following protocol updates.

Dear YMD attendees, we hope you are all ready for what is sure to be a kick-abboh weekend. Some of you have brought to our attention a minor problem with our new dress code. The law in question is the requirement of wearing YMD sweatpants at all time. Many have questioned how this will apply to freshmen. The answer is simple. Although it violates many Hillel rules, the freshmen will be permitted to go pantless on the semiNar. They may hide their legs under the tablecloth during meals. For Shaharit, they may wear their talets around their waists like a skirt. (Any attendee WITHOUT a talet will receive a refund, and be escorted to NCSY Regional immediately). Underwear is mandatory at all times. We look forward to seeing you! --The YMD team

In summary, the freshmen shall not be required to wear pants on the SemiNar. YMD Staff has already assured the Update that they will "keep the thermostat in the upper ranges."

Finally, YMD has communicated that they will keep "emergency pants" within 30 seconds' running distance of all freshmen in case Burnout Bill decides to show up. "You know Burnout Bill. He shows up on SemiNars and takes out his 'special feeling hand.'" YMD cannot reveal any of their comedy or speakers, but assure us that "it's bound to be a touching SemiNar."