BREAKING NEWS: HILLEL HERALD MAKES DUMB JOKE

DEAL, NJ -- As the Global Jewish Community prepares for the most serious and straightforward day of their year, the Hillel Herald had other plans.

A local posek, Rabbi Hillel Updatowitz, commented on the general custom. "Yom Kippur is a downright serious day. We bow before Hashem. We pray directly at the open ark. We blow a Shofar and cry. It's a day of affliction to the soul -- no eating or drinking. No handwashing. No leather shoes. No smearing creams, and no [EXPLETIVE REMOVED]. Thus, we must prepare our souls in a most serious way."

But the Hillel Herald isn't prepared.

Instead, it prefers to make jokes. Specifically, references to Train's "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" -- a song with the line, "How could you leave on Yom Kippur." Inappropriate? Rabbi Updatowitz said its "downright a  chutzpah."

At 9:39AM, Update editor-in-chief Lee Matalon tweeted as @leematalon:

"If I hear ONE Train joke this holiday..." 

Shortly thereafter, at 10:22AM, the Hillel Herald's tweeted (no link -- don't bother following them):

"If my girlfriend leaves tomorrow I'm gonna be soooo [EXPLETIVE REMOVED]! #50Ways"

"Yeah, my 'warning' was sarcastic" said Matalon, "and yeah, the joke is obvious," he continued, "but I tweeted it first. But everyone knows that, so it doesn't bother me. The fact is, however, that I played the irony card. I made fun of how obvious the joke is, and how overused it will be. They just posted the joke itself. So which is clever and which is dumb? Up to you."

VP Ricky Tawil, a well known Train fan, sent a heartwarming message to Train on twitter (@rickytawil):

"@train I hope none of your wives and girlfriends leave you on Yom Kippur tomorrow!"

After seeing the Herald's previous tweet, he realized his holiday wishes might be conveyed as a dumb joke and clarified, "Great, now it looks like I stole the Hillel Herald's Train joke." He further clarified, "I was inspired by a Lee Matalon tweet."

Critics are raising all sorts of questions. "Should the official Hillel newspaper be dating? It is an Orthodox school." Some people wondered why a newsletter even HAS a girlfriend -- after all, it is a piece of paper. But critics agree: IT WAS A DUMB JOKE.

Rabbi Updatowitz has agreed not to put the Herald in cherem if they agree to stop with the dumb jokes. They were also instructed to stop with the dumb noises. Update editor Lee Matalon has decided not to get angry about the dumb joke. "Whatever," said Matalon, "I'll take the high road like I should."