Hillel Heat To Play In Texas Playoffs

HOUSTON, TX -- Texan Yeshiva Beren Academy recently stepped down from a playoffs slot in a league ran by the Texan Association of Private and Parochial Schools (TAPPS). The game was scheduled for 9:00PM on a Friday, and the Beren Stars stepped out in order to place Shabbat Observance in front. After Beren appealed to change the game, TAPPS decline.

"At first, we were horrified with this Antisemitism and felt bad for our fellow Beren Jews," said a representative of the Hillel Heat Franchise, "but now we can't be happier. Our season just ended against MTA, but now we have a chance again!" The coach, known affectionately as "Coach" hurried to gather his dismissed team for a brief meeting before handing out the plane tickets and itineraries.

"I can't believe we have another shot!" commented Heat Player RRRRAl Sultan, who was found asleep in the ELC gym. The team will be flying out to Houston on Thursday to compete in the Friday game. "Its not every day that you find an opening like this" says Sultan, as he fumbles to open a carton of milk.

The decision to buy out Beren's slot has left many wondering, "What about Shabbat?" Rabbi Dr. Nathan Betesh, the halakhic authority of the Ovadia Administration, has delivered the following statement. "We'll fly out an advance and walk to the stadium. Winning will bring much Kavod to Hillel, so its imperative we play. Most of the team doesn't really keep Shabbat, anyway."

The two Shomer Shabbat players are Saka S. Charles and Edward "I'm Wrong" Benjamin. Saka does not have any issues as he will never actually be put on the court. Benjamin will have a Hispanic woman following him around. He plans to hand the "Chadameh" the ball when he's ready, and hint for her to shoot. "It's foolproof" noted Rabbi Dr. Betesh

"We're still keeping Shabbat," said a rep from the Oval Locker, "but its just one of those Winter Break 'charge it to my room' Shabbats. Still kosher." The Ovadia Administration is very strict about the rest of Shabbat, though. "We'll be lenient for the game, but the rest of Shabbat will be like a regular SemiNar."