Ovadia Administration To Install Sniper Squad On Roof

DEAL, NJ -- Hillel Yeshiva has always been a relatively safe environment in terms of protecting it's student body. The dummy security cameras and the empty guard booth in the parking lot are there precisely to fool possible criminals and protect the school. These, along with the Motion Sensors on the ELC ceilings are the current system, which have proven sufficient for years.

"But it's not enough" commented the Department of Homeland Security. "Realistically speaking, Hillel has never been at a greater security risk. Between the construction workers at the nearby shul and the motorcade of green minivans which appear every every day, getting on to the campus has never been an easier feat." The grand caravan of green Grand Caravans arrives twice a day, followed by a beat up white bus. "Who knows what kind of terrorists could sneak in on one of the vehicles?"

In response, the Ovadia Administration has initiated a plan codenamed OPERATION: Bookkeeping. "The intent of the plan is to deploy a team of security snipers on the roof" said the Minister of Defense in a statement last night. "We can't reveal any details on the agents, however we must declassify their presence. Its only fair to the students."

A Rooftop Sniper spotted during a training exercise. An eagle-eyed student snapped this blurry picture on his blackberry.

A cable released by the Hillel Muckrakers' Union indicates that these snipers may be hired mercenaries from Syria. Lt. Col. Ya'oub al-Boucai of the Syrian Army declined to comment. While hired guns from Halab seem like an Ovadian strategy, it must be noted that the majority of the Syrian forces operate by boat.

How the Student Council will fund the marksmen is still up in the air. "We were thinking of having 'Junior Sniper' classes with the 5th grade on Wednesdays. For a fee of course" the Minister of Defense proudly explained. "We might also rent the snipers out to teachers who are having rudeness problems." The snipers' equipment is sensitive to register Dumb Noises of even the lowest frequency.

"The only real security camera in the school is located in the Box," President Harary is reported to have said himself. "The camera was extremely successful. We realized the only way to protect the school is to use actual methods, and not rely on decoys." When the snipers will be deployed is still unknown, however they are expected "sometime before Shavuot."