SPORTS: JV Heat Sophomores Enter Into Lockout

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OCEAN, NJ - Inspired by the recent NBA Lockout, the sophomores on the JV Hillel Heat have entered into a lockout with the Hillel Athletic Department - Junior Enterprise (HADJE), proposing more share of department revenue and a higher salary cap. 

Hillel Athletics takes in close to approximately $12 annually as revenue, most of it generated by the food and drink conglomerate Uriya Industries Corp.. In the past, 70% of athletic revenue went to the head coach, 19% to the sophomore players, 10% to the freshman players, and 1% to Hubert's Christmas gift. However, this year saw a slight difference, with Head Coach Eddie Cohen getting 90%, freshman point guard Bibi getting 10%, leaving no share for Hubert or the sophomores. The sophomores have threatened to not play until they have 10% share, with Cohen getting 60%, and Hubert getting 10%. The sophomores have also added to the proposal that 20% be added to extend the Christmas gift to Pierre, Fritz, Mickey and Lois. 

A HADJE representitive told the Hillel Update, "The threat by the sophomores to not play has not phased us, since they don't play anyway.  They claim that the team won't win without them, but we don't win anyway."

After their last game, The Hillel Update attempted to reach JV Head Coach Eddie Cohen for a comment, but reporters were blocked by a mob of angry parents.

Sophomores aim to start negotiations next week, and say that future looks "bright" if the Athletic Department can sit down and discuss the proposal. 

The Ovadia Administration declined to comment.