DEAL NJ -- Hillel's growing population of Crickets has been the subject of public ridicule in recent times. The insects -- most of which take Cricket-tailored AP courses between the first and second floors -- are now prepared to take a stand for their right. They have mustered up all of their united strength to cause disarray. They are boycotting the floors of the schools, remaining in the ceiling. To demonstrate, they are also publicly chirping during the Amidah.
"Chirp chirp," commented an official spokesperson for the Crickets' Civil Rights movement, "chirp chirp chirp."
This message is not to be taken lightly. Threats of violence have been issued against the student body, with radicals chanting "chirp chirp."
A more level-headed ambassador wants to meet with President Ovadia Harary to negotiate mutual rights. However, this is unlikely to happen due to a language barrier. "Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp" details the ambassador, who has a Masters degree in Chirping from the University of Maryland.
The more athletic activists are complaining that they are being barred from joining the Hockey, Basketball, Soccer or Softball teams. They are being restricted to the Hillel Chirpers, our little known Cricket Team. "Chirp chirp chirp chirp," complained the Chirpers' coach, "chirp chirp."
It is unknown when these protests will end. The Student Council "[wants] to give them rights, if they are willing to cooperate. If the Crickets go radical, they might join forces with the activists from Occupy Back Stairwell and launch a revolution." For now, the protests will have to be endured.
Hillel Update strives to provide a witty, satirical view of current events at Hillel Yeshiva HS. VeNomar Amen.
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